After my 1000+ arrest video marathon, one thing’s crystal clear: the “I can’t breathe” routine is the go-to move for lowlifes who lack an original thought in their heads. It’s about as convincing as a three-dollar bill.
Suspect: Goes full-on feral, spitting venom and throwing punches like it’s their last day on earth
Cops: Somehow wrestle the Tasmanian devil into cuffs
Suspect: Instant transformation into a wheezing, helpless victim “I…can’t…breathe! POLICE BRUTALITY!”
Give me a freakin’ break. You had enough breath to scream obscenities two seconds ago, but the magic chokehold only kicks in once you’re restrained? Get real.
Cops, You’re My Heroes
Officers, you deserve a medal (and a lifetime supply of therapy) for putting up with this garbage day in and day out. Here’s the playbook: The second the drama queen act starts, call EMS. You’re not miracle workers expected to tell genuine distress from a pathetic attempt at manipulation. Let the pros in scrubs do their thing. Meanwhile, document the hell out of everything and cover your bases, because the second that ambulance leaves, the lawsuit threats will start flying.
Bystanders, Your 15 Minutes Can Wait
Look, if you feel compelled to be the next viral video star, please just hand the cops some water and keep your distance. You wanna be a hero? Be a witness, not an instigator.
Criminals: Champions of Selective Choking and Crocodile Tears
You picked a life where getting caught is part of the job description. Boo hoo, facing the consequences of YOUR choices sucks. But guess what? Your pathetic choking act ain’t fooling anyone. You think you’re the first to try that trick? Think again. We all know you just magically “recovered” once the cameras turned away. Seriously, have some dignity – if you had any left to begin with.
Listen up, buttercups. You spent your time terrorizing innocent people – robbing grandmas, assaulting bystanders, driving drunk and putting families at risk. But the second you face the music, it’s all sunshine and rainbows? Suddenly, you can’t breathe! Give me a break.
Did you ever stop to think about the people you hurt? The elderly woman you shoved for her purse, left shaken and scared? The person you jumped in a dark alley, leaving them traumatized? The innocent bystanders who were mowed down by your drunk driving? Nope, not a single thought for their well-being, their fear, or their struggle to breathe after your little crime spree.
The “Mommy” Card: As Pathetic as It Gets
And the pièce de résistance? The waterworks and cries for “Mommy!” Please. This act is about as believable as a politician keeping a campaign promise. You spent your days breaking the law, likely neglecting any parental responsibilities you might have. Suddenly, facing consequences turns you into a model son or daughter? Spare us the fake concern for your kids – the children you probably haven’t seen in weeks because you were too busy getting into trouble.
Newsflash: DUI moms included – if you actually cared about your children, you wouldn’t be putting them at risk by driving drunk in the first place.
My Precious Child
And let’s not forget those “protective” parents who make this whole charade even worse. You know the type – the ones who storm in, wailing about their poor innocent “baby” who certainly wouldn’t hurt a fly. The same parents who, moments later, are swinging baseball bats at cops when their precious child is caught stealing. Newsflash: shielding your children from consequences doesn’t make you a good parent, it makes you an accomplice. You’re teaching them that actions have no repercussions, and that they’re above the law. Congratulations, you helped raise yet another entitled monster.
Dead Victims Don’t Get “I Can’t Breathe” Do-Overs
And let’s not forget the worst-case scenario. The ones who can’t breathe because you went too far. The victims whose lives were tragically cut short by your violence. They don’t get a magic breath recovery scene after being brutalized. They don’t get a chance to cry for their mommies. Their families are left shattered, picking up the pieces of a life stolen thanks to your actions.
The Bottom Line: Reap What You Sow
So, let’s cut through the BS. stop breaking the damn law. If you’re a criminal faking a medical crisis to avoid the consequences of your actions, get ready for a major reality check. Your “I can’t breathe” act isn’t fooling anyone. Don’t resist, don’t play the victim, and maybe, just maybe, your lungs will magically cooperate. You’re insulting cops, disrespecting victims, and making a mockery of people who actually struggle for every breath due to real medical conditions.
And yeah, let’s not ignore the fact that sometimes the media focuses on the wrong things. It doesn’t matter what colour you are, if you break the law, you face the consequences. But instead of showing us the full picture, news outlets sometimes fixate on those extreme cases and blow them out of proportion. That needs to change too.
Look, nobody’s saying mistakes aren’t made. The system isn’t perfect, and sometimes innocent people get caught in the crossfire. We all know that. But here’s the deal: if you find yourself in that situation, cooperate. If an officer pulls you over because you fit a description, turn off the car, show your hands, and be polite. Being innocent doesn’t give you a free pass to act belligerent.
There was an 18-year-old in one of the YouTube vids I viewed, and she was, well, Yeah, throwing a hell of a tantrum, spewing racial slurs, acting suspicious, acting belligerent and finally, when the officer could not get in any word, she resisted arrest. She brought that situation on herself. If she’d just complied and answered the officer’s questions calmly, things might have gone differently.
The media loves a good freak-out, but trust me, staying calm and respectful is always the better option. It might take a little longer to clear your name, but trust the process and
cooperate.
Bottom line: Stop committing crimes. Take responsibility for your actions. And if you find yourself in trouble, own up to it. Maybe then, the world can focus on real problems instead of manufactured drama.