Finding Closure: Navigating Life’s Endings


In the journey of life, we often encounter events and relationships that end, leaving us with a mix of emotions and unanswered questions. The concept of closure becomes crucial in these moments. It’s about understanding and processing these endings, accepting them, and moving forward. This article delves into the importance of closure, the danger of a herd mentality, and the empowerment of independent thinking. We’ll explore how self-reliance in finding closure can be more beneficial than constantly seeking it from others and the implications of not doing so.


What is Closure?

Closure, in psychological and emotional contexts, is about finding a resolution or understanding at the end of significant life events or relationships. It encompasses understanding the reasons behind events, emotionally processing them, accepting the reality of the situation, and integrating these experiences into one’s life narrative for future growth​​.


Independent Thinking vs. Herd Mentality

In the pursuit of closure, independent thinking stands out as a crucial skill. It involves making decisions and forming opinions based on personal judgment and understanding, rather than just following the crowd or succumbing to peer pressure. This contrasts with the herd mentality, where individuals adopt the opinions and behaviors of a larger group, often to fit in or avoid standing out. Independent thinking in the context of seeking closure involves understanding your emotions, reflecting on your experiences, and finding your path to moving forward.


The Self-Imposed Suffering of Seeking Closure Externally

Dependence on others for closure can be a form of self-imposed suffering. When you wait for someone else to offer an apology, explanation, or acknowledgment to feel resolved, you might end up feeling powerless and stuck​​. This reliance can be linked to a victim mentality, where individuals see themselves as perpetual victims of others or circumstances. This mentality can halt progress, trap individuals in a cycle of reliving trauma, and prevent healthy relationship development​​.


Finding Closure on Your Own

Self-finding closure involves several steps:


  1. Self-Responsibility: Engaging in self-dialogue to understand what you’re holding onto and why, and being honest with yourself about these reasons​​.
  2. Grieving: Allowing yourself time to grieve the loss, but not letting it extend indefinitely​​.
  3. Gathering Strengths: Focusing on your positives and surrounding yourself with supportive people​​.
  4. Planning: Making a plan for the immediate future and taking action to explore new possibilities​​.
  5. Creating a Ritual: Engaging in a ritual to symbolically let go of the past​​.


The Impact of Not Getting Closure

Failing to achieve closure can lead to persistent negative emotions like anger, sadness, or confusion. It can keep you anchored in the past, hindering your enjoyment of the present and your openness to future opportunities. Constantly seeking closure from others can create a cycle of disappointment and resentment.


Conclusion: Choosing Your Suffering

In conclusion, when you rely solely on others for closure, it’s a form of suffering that you choose. Recognizing this empowers you to take control of your healing process. By embracing independent thinking, you can find peace and move forward, not because someone else gave you closure, but because you found the strength to give it to yourself. This realization is not just about coping with the end of something; it’s about embracing new beginnings with optimism and self-reliance.




  1. Psychology Today on Closure:
  2. Psychology Today on Victim Mentality:
  3. Psychology Today on Self-Finding Closure:

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