A Wish and the Radiant Reckoning”

[Author’s Note: The following text contains strong language and dark humour. It is intended purely for fictional purposes and does not reflect any real-life intentions or beliefs. Or does it?]


Dear Owner(s) or Enablers of the calls originating from +27217538864, and all other spam numbers,


Allow me to express my deepest desires for your future. Oh, how I wish upon you the most remarkable experience: a criticality accident! Yes, you read that correctly. I long for you to be subjected to a sudden and exhilarating burst of intense radiation resulting from a runaway nuclear reaction. And not just any radiation dose, but a whopping 17 sieverts (Sv), well above the lethal threshold. Wouldn’t that be splendid?


Let me elaborate on the delights that await you. This intense radiation will wreak havoc on your body, particularly at a cellular level. Rapidly dividing cells, such as those found in the skin, lining of the gut, and bone marrow, will suffer severe damage. Ah, the bone marrow, a true highlight of this endeavour, for it is the very site where new blood cells are produced. How delightful it would be to witness its near-complete destruction!


Now, let’s delve into the plethora of symptoms and complications that shall accompany your radiation adventure:


Firstly, Acute Radiation Syndrome (ARS) will grace you with its presence. Nausea, vomiting, and diarrhoea shall become your constant companions, courtesy of the radiation’s assault on your gastrointestinal tract and other precious tissues.


But that’s not all! Your skin, oh your poor skin, will bear the brunt of this extraordinary radiation dose. Prepare yourself for extensive burns and the loss of substantial areas of skin. Vanity, indeed, shall be a thing of the past.


As if that weren’t enough, your bone marrow will take its final bow, nearly crumbling into oblivion. This delightful development will lead to a severe decline in blood cell production, rendering you susceptible to infections and prone to uncontrollable bleeding. Ah, the peace that shall bring to my heart!


But wait, there’s more! The widespread cellular damage will eventually lead to the grand finale: multi-organ failure. Oh, the symphony of demise that shall reverberate through your heart, kidneys, and lungs. Each organ, ravaged by the relentless assault of radiation, shall succumb, one by one.


Yes, dear individual(s), your relentless spamming and annoyance of innocent souls shall bring about your own departure from this realm. It is only fitting that such a demise befall those who sow chaos and nuisance. Multi-organ failure shall be your ultimate reward.


Now, in case my previous words eluded your understanding, allow me to clarify in layman’s terms: Picture yourself engulfed in an invisible, intense energy—much like being trapped inside a microwave. This energy, in its malevolent brilliance, will infiltrate your body and ruthlessly wreak havoc on a fundamental level. Your cells shall crumble, much like a shattered vessel, especially those in constant motion, such as your skin and blood cells. Imagine the agony of an excruciating sunburn, but amplified to penetrate the very depths of your being.


With your skin mangled and fluids escaping your body, the pain shall be unimaginable. And let us not forget the devastation inflicted upon your bone marrow, that marvellous factory of life. Without its vitality, you will be defenceless against infections and prone to uncontrolled bleeding.


Though the medical professionals may strive valiantly, the damage will be irreversible. Your organs, those pillars of life, shall falter and eventually cease their noble duties, brought to their knees by the wrath of radiation.


So, I beseech you, whoever you may be, in whichever deity you believe (or not), I implore you to halt your wretched spamming of my fucking phone. Heed this warning, or else… well, you know what awaits you.


Yours with a touch of dark amusement,


Hanif Kruger

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