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AS I sit here and listen to her arguing with her boyfriend for the trillionth time, right after I was her shoulder, right after she was telling me that she will not give him the time of day again, I realized she reminds me of a person playing with fire… She puts her hand in the flames, and is surprised when she gets hurt.

 

She says that she won’t stick her hand in the fire again. But then she goes and puts her hand right back in, and gets hurt. Over and over this happens… she’s screaming, crying, throwing things, and letting the pain and anger ruin her whole day.

 

I personally don’t know how she does all that and works…

 

I am sitting here, a million thoughts running through my mind… How can I save her? How can I make her understand that she’s making herself crazy trying to stick her hand in the flames and expecting things to change? Yet I know there isn’t a damn thing I can do. She will have to learn on her own that He’s the flames that lies to her, cheats on her, abuses her…

 

I can’t drag her away from those flames and tell her she will thank me later… If I say exactly how I feel, she’ll just say ‘that I’m like the rest of my family and I don’t support her… Even though I’m the only one who really supports her…

 

I’m the only one who tries to pick up the pieces when she’s broken, and treat the burnt flesh and take care of her… Only for her to rip the bandages off and put her hands right back in the fire….

 

I try not to let her shit affect my own life but I am afraid I haven’t been as successful at it as I would have liked to be.

 

I find myself drained and mentally bleh…

 

I know the reason is directly linked to my sister and how she’s repeatedly giving this piece of shit chance after chance, all for him to fuck her over… I don’t know how and why she does it… but I was not much different … I was in a toxic marriage for almost 10 years. I even found out some of the shit the guy did to my boys and it makes me sick to my stomach…

 

I tried to leave so many times, but came back every time.

 

I finally bit the bullet and left almost a year ago. Wow I can’t believe it’s almost been a year!!!!!!! So unfortunately as much as I really want to drag my sis away from the horrable fire that is him… I can’t… she has to let him go on her own terms…

 

It’s a sad reality but I can’t do anything. I just hope she remembers that I was there. I hope she realizes her worth so she can find a real man… I hope she doesn’t let this P O S go only to get with a more horrable fire … she talks of her ex that is in jail… she talks about how he is willing to be her side piece… she talks about it like it’s a good thing… I’m cringing… I know she doesn’t see her worth so she goes from toxic person to toxic person… she even admits the toxicity so at least she’s not being fake…….. she said her ultimate dream is to have jail guy and current fire dude……..

 

I can’t do anything about that either… Not everybody thinks like me. Not everyone has my moral views. I’m good with one man. I’m good with one family, though I pray I won’t have yet another broken family like this last one….

 

I want to show my kids that it’s ok to be happy.I want to show them it’s ok to hug your significant other. It’s ok to disagree as long as it’s not toxic. I want them to grow up and love their partners. I don’t want to hear they’re just like fire dude or my ex… that is one of the things I pray for. Not material things, though I pray for my own place.

 

I love my sis but I need my own space and so do my kids. Also I’m just so tired of the toxicity but I know she is not done with the fire.

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